Source: pxhere.com under CC license

Practicing Gratitude With Spam

Or, how penis enlargement ads are turning my life around

New Thought gurus on Oprah are always going on about the importance of expressing gratitude. It’s supposed to be life-changing and empowering and all sorts of stuff to make me as rich as Oprah… so long as I remember to practice gratitude.

Well, I’ve been practicing gratitude for a few weeks now and ain’t seen much change.

Maybe I’m doing it wrong?

Maybe all the good gratitudes have been taken.

It’s that thought which has guided me to search for new, unexploited avenues to direct my gratitude.

The answer was in my Inbox all along.

People come and go, but spam is always there for me.

Thanking my spam

• I am grateful that the Internet is concerned with the length, girth, and stamina of my penis. I mean, my penis is fine and all, but I appreciate the interest.
• Likewise, I am grateful that the Internet wishes to help me strengthen my pelvic floor. I don’t know what that is, but it’s nice someone cares.
• I am grateful for the economic opportunities being offered to me by people all around the world. While it’s a shame the liquor store that…